Girl Talk
by MissJayne
Summary: Jenny, Ziva and Abby rate the males of NCIS. Fluffy goodness. Mentions of past Jibbs. Oneshot


_Thanks to my wonderful beta Kristen! After finally finishing a rather depressing fic, I've decided to deal with some of the many oneshot ideas littering my mind. And this is nice and fluffy. I hope to get round to the sequel fairly soon._

Girl Talk

Jenny sighed, having no real idea how the conversation had turned round to this, or even begun.

Abby and Ziva had somehow invited themselves back to her house for the night, claiming that the 'girls' needed time to bond. She could understand the two of them spending time together, but dragging her into it? She wasn't really a part of their team, and in a way, Abby wasn't either. Still, the conversation had rapidly turned to their teammates, after which it had gone promptly downhill.

And now the two younger females wanted to rate the men of NCIS, more specifically of their NCIS team. This was certainly not a discussion that the Director of the agency should be a part of, but they had given her one too many glasses of bourbon, and she was starting to feel more open. And it wasn't as if they would repeat this discussion to anyone else, especially as Ziva knew how good a shot she was…

"Come on, Jenny," Abby urged. "You can pick the first category."

She rolled her eyes, but decided to join in. At least she could keep the discussion vaguely under control. "Fine," she acquiesced. "How about… most handsome?"

Abby giggled next to her. "That's too tame, although I would like to hear your opinion."

The redhead did not rise to the obvious bait. "When you say tame…"

"Think outside the box," Ziva advised. "Something we would perhaps not normally talk about."

She mused on this for a few moments before deciding her topic. "Bad boy factor."

The other two laughed. "Good one," Ziva decided once she had calmed down. "Hmm, I think Tony should win that one."

"You would," Abby squealed, throwing a cushion in her direction. "Well, it's certainly not Ducky."

"Agreed," Jenny commented. "And I don't think Agent McGee would win that either."

"Why not?" Abby pouted. "He looked more dangerous when he shaved his head back when you two arrived. He looked like some sort of thug." Her eyes lit up at the thought of it.

"But we all know that Timothy McGee would not harm a fly," Ziva pointed out. "That spoils it."

"I suppose," Abby sighed. "So that makes it between Tony and Gibbs, right?"

Jenny thought for a moment. "The ex-cop or the ex-marine. I think I can guess who would win that one."

The Goth chuckled. "Gibbs wins it."

"I still think Tony should be in with a shot," Ziva objected. "After all, he is a rogue. A bit like Han Solo, yes?"

Jenny considered this. "If you're referring to the number of times he's bet on myself and Jethro, I would agree with you. But he doesn't have…" She trailed off, unsure how to end her sentence.

"He doesn't have that air of danger," Abby finished. "Gibbs can control a room simply by glaring and scaring everyone, whereas Tony can't. Therefore, I think Gibbs should win this one. Jenny?"

"Gibbs," she decided.

Ziva sighed. "Gibbs it is."

* * *

Ziva David chose her category with care. Abby had decided to make five categories overall, in an attempt to quantify the situation. They had all had a little too much alcohol to refuse the Goth, and she knew it. The little monkey was taking advantage of it.

Nevertheless, it had been decided to give each of them one category, although Abby claimed she had two in her mind. So whatever her choice was going to be, she would like Tony to win it after he was robbed of the previous one.

But she could see Abby's point. Gibbs had that control over everyone, something Tony would probably never have. He was too wild and carefree. Even though he could take charge, as proven when Gibbs was away in Mexico, it had not been the same. It had not even been close.

"Hairiest chest," she announced. She would prefer to discuss the hairiest butt, although that would probably be more disturbing. Ducky was being included in this after all.

Her co-conspirators gathered their thoughts before launching into an offensive. "Who's seen McGee's chest?" Abby checked.

"I have," Ziva found herself saying at the same time as Jenny. She turned to look at the redhead.

"At the gym," Jenny defended.

"Why were you looking, _Director_?" Abby grinned.

Jenny did not respond to that. "Are you voting for McGee then?"

"No," Abby admitted. "I was just curious."

"So McGee is out of the running," Ziva summed up. "And I think Gibbs would be too."

She turned to look at Jenny to gauge her reaction, but the redhead gave nothing away. "If you say so," was her only reply.

"And as I doubt Ducky should be in the running for this one," Ziva concluded. "That makes Tony the winner."

Jenny burst into a coughing fit; Ziva glared at her.

"Okay, what do you know that we do not?" the Israeli asked.

"I have also seen Tony at the gym," Jenny admitted. "But he is not as hairy as Ducky."

"Jenny!" Abby almost screamed. "How do you know that?!"

Ziva put her hands over her ears. Abby was the loudest person she knew, especially when she was excited. And this topic deserved to be pushed.

"Erm." Jenny was as red as her hair, her mind whirring, trying to come up with a reasonable explanation. Ziva did not rush her; this would be interesting.

"When we were in Paris," she confessed. "We had Ducky as a contact. After something went wrong, we had to camp over at his place for a few days until the heat died down. I might have walked in the bathroom as he was having a shower…"

Ziva found herself in fits of laughter. Oh, this was good. Priceless even. She knew she would never tell a soul about this, but it was still very funny.

Abby recovered first, while Jenny was still bright red. "So, as you are the only one to have seen both Tony and Ducky's chests, what is your conclusion?"

"Definitely Ducky," Jenny decided.

* * *

Abby Scuito smiled as she realized it was her turn. This whole evening had been her doing anyway. She felt that the males of NCIS were all very close, but the females never seemed to spend much time together. And they should spend time together – they were good friends. Sometimes they needed to let their hair down and do girly things, even the Director.

She had come to the conclusion that they would have to take over Jenny's home for a night. There was no other way they could get the Director involved without using coercion in the form of Gibbs, and the silver haired fox would want answers before he said anything to her. And the Director would hardly throw them out if the discussion got a little out of hand. She was too nice for that.

Ziva had been easier to get involved. She might be more reserved and quiet, but she was willing to express her opinions when she wanted to. And she had a not-so-secret crush on Tony as well, if her desire to let Tony win a few categories had anything to do with it. It had taken the mere suggestion of a lazy night to get the Israeli interested in this get-together.

And now it was time for her two categories. When she had come up with the idea of this evening, she had thought it would be fun to rate their co-workers. It was not as though they would ever find out. But she had been unable to decide which category she wanted to discuss more. Luckily, she could bat her eyelids at the others and persuade them to let her have two.

"Most kissable lips," she declared, grinning as Jenny went bright red again and buried her head. "Come on, Jenny, we all know you and Gibbs were an item."

The redhead neither confirmed nor denied it; instead taking a final sip of her bourbon and getting up to refill her glass.

"I doubt Ducky should win," Ziva mused. "Unless there is something else Jenny has failed to tell us."

Jenny sat back down again. "I know nothing about Ducky's lips," she announced.

"How about Gibbs' then?" Abby inquired.

The older woman considered her answer carefully. "I think he would be high on the shortlist."

"Jenny," Ziva growled. "We know about Paris. Is he a good kisser?"

Abby waited on tenterhooks for Jenny to reveal all. The redhead seemed to be thinking over what she should say. "Don't deny it," she warned, afraid she would lie. "We know Mommy and Daddy shared more than a few kisses back in the day."

"Fine." Jenny flung up her hands in defeat. "He's a good kisser. And if this gets back to him…"

Abby squealed as loud as she could. "I knew it! I knew it!" She turned to look at the others and noticed they had covered their ears. "Sorry," she whispered.

Ziva chuckled. "I am sure Jenny could kill us both if he found out about this discussion."

"Painfully," the redhead confirmed.

"So, anyone know about Tony?" Abby queried, looking straight at Ziva.

"You have forgotten about the undercover mission where we had to pose as a married couple," Ziva pointed out. "He can kiss."

"I think the category was more _kissable lips _than _the best kisser_," Jenny remarked. "And I would give that to McGee."

"Something you want to tell us?" the Israeli grinned.

"He's cute," Jenny defended. "But far too young and innocent for me."

"I think Timmy should win too," Abby decided.

Ziva looked bemused. "Are you two ganging up on me on purpose?"

"There are three of us," Jenny observed. "We work with the same men. We're bound to have similar opinions."

Ziva shrugged her shoulders. "So, McGee wins a category. What was your other one, Abby?"

* * *

Jenny was almost dreading the next category. Already, they had got her to recall a disturbing memory from Paris, which she had always wished she could scrub from her retinas. And they had also made her confirm her and Jethro's relationship of a long time ago.

Admittedly, they were all slightly tipsy, and there was always a chance that the others would forget this by morning. But she doubted it. Ziva had always been able to read people perfectly, and had questioned her on her relationship with her former partner before. And Abby was incredibly perceptive, even going as far as to call them Mommy and Daddy. She was not going to live this one down.

Still, she was having fun. She didn't feel as though she was the oldest woman, the outsider. She felt included, her opinion valued. That didn't occur much at work anymore.

"Spit it out," Ziva commented, sipping her own beer. "It is getting late, and I want my morning run tomorrow."

Abby grinned as she admitted the next category. "The gentleman of the decade."

"Ducky," Jenny and Ziva spoke at the same time.

"Hey!" the Goth objected. "Timmy can be a gentleman."

Jenny thought for a moment. "He does open doors for me," she mused.

Ziva joined in. "He was very welcoming when I arrived here, and he still helps me with my computer difficulties."

"See?" Abby encouraged. "McGee should win this one as well."

"A true gentleman is a man who knows how to play the bagpipes – and doesn't," Jenny remarked.

"What?" Abby was clearly confused.

"Have you ever heard bagpipes?" Jenny questioned. "Awful things. Sounds as though someone is strangling a cat."

The Goth winced.

"Therefore, I think we should give this one to Ducky," Jenny concluded.

"Aw, come on, guys. Please?" Abby almost begged.

"Sorry," Ziva grinned. "I would have to go with Jenny. Ducky is a true gentleman. He has to win this category."

Abby sulked. "What about Gibbs?" she asked suddenly. "He brings coffee to Jenny every day."

Jenny laughed. "And he barges into my office in the process. Sorry Abby, but Ducky wins this one."

* * *

Ziva David frowned as they came to the very last discussion of the night – 'overall sexiness'. It was not that she had not enjoyed herself, nor that she had not felt left out, nor even that she had consumed too much alcohol. Rather, it had something to do with the fact that Tony had not won a single category.

She was not sure why this was bothering her so. Tony was merely her partner; she trusted him with her life. And yet she felt he should have won a few categories. He would definitely have won the hairy chest one if Jenny had not spoken up about Ducky. Stifling her chuckle, she tried to imagine Jenny's reaction on walking in on him. Mortification, she guessed, and embarrassment. She wondered if Gibbs knew about it.

What was she thinking – of course Gibbs knew about it! Jenny would have told him, if only to feel a little better, and she could hardly hide it from him. The man could read anyone like a book. And if Jenny had not told him, Ducky would have owned up to it. Ducky was Gibbs' only real friend, after Jenny, and he would not keep something like that a secret.

She wished she had been a fly on the wall for that conversation. It would have been highly amusing. She wondered how Gibbs would have taken it; probably fairly well, seeing as it was an accident. He might even have found it funny.

It was hard to picture Gibbs laughing at something. He was always so serious, always in charge. He never relaxed in front of them, never joked, hardly smiled. It was good for a boss, but it was not good to lock so many things away. Ziva had learnt that herself.

"Overall sexiness," Abby repeated, indicating she was ready. "Are we basing this on the winner of each category?"

"_Overall_ suggests that we should take everything into account, not simply who won each one," Jenny mused. "And it would also include everything that was not categorized."

Ziva nodded her head in agreement, as did Abby. "So, who should we start with?"

"McGee," Abby decided. "Are we scoring them out of something?"

"We can just discuss," Jenny suggested. "I'd say he's cute but a little too innocent."

Ziva found herself concurring. "How about Gibbs? And we should ignore Jenny's response on this because she's biased."

She noticed the redhead roll her eyes as she took another sip of her drink.

Abby picked up the baton. "Well, the silver haired fox is gorgeous. I'd love to hear what Jenny has to say."

"I'm staying out of this one," Jenny agreed. "I would be far too biased."

The Goth sighed. "Pity."

Ziva tried to turn the conversation back in the right direction. "Tony?"

"Oh, he should be up there!" Abby exclaimed. "He is hot."

"He reminds me of a young version of Gibbs," Jenny mused.

Abby clapped her hands together in delight. "So that's a 'yay' from the Director, and a 'yay' from me. Only Ducky left."

Ziva shook her head. "Too disturbing to think of."

"I agree," Abby seconded. "Who's it between?"

"From what we've been discussing, I think Gibbs and Tony," Jenny remarked. "I'm sure you can guess my vote."

"One for Gibbs," Abby noted. "Ziva?"

"Tony," she instantly replied. "Sorry, Jenny."

Jenny grinned, showing she did not mind in the slightest. "Casting vote, Abby," she pointed out. "Gibbs or Tony?"

The Goth furrowed her brow as she thought. It seemed she was finding this harder than she expected. "I would have to go with…"

Ziva clung onto the last pieces of her patience.

"Tony," Abby announced.

"But he did not win a single category," Ziva noticed.

"We voted," Jenny countered. "Tony is the winner. Is it really that bad?"

Ziva shrugged her shoulders, secretly delighted. "I think he won the best one," she concluded.

"Damn straight," Abby agreed, trying to get to her feet. "I think I've had a little too much to drink…"

"Stay here for tonight," Jenny offered. "I'll drive you in tomorrow morning."

Ziva found herself agreeing as she struggled to get up herself. Oh well. This had been an enjoyable night. If only the boys knew what they talked about in their spare time…

THE END


End file.
